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Lone
Wolf
Howl:
MORTON HEARS A POO (IN THE KEY OF DR. SEUSS)
(Originally
published
in
Cochrane Times:
Oct. 4, 2006)
for the Cochrane Times — On the 8th day of May, in the sitting of Spring, In the heat of the fray, in the shade of the King He was speaking – enjoying the MLA’s joys When Morton the backbencher heard a small noise. So Morton stopped speaking, he set down his bill, And turned to the spot where he heard this odd shrill. “That’s funny”, thought Morton, “I’d swear it was true That somebody somewhere just said the word ‘poo’ ”. He turned back to the Speaker and with great aplomb Resumed his oratory when ‘neath the great dome He heard it again (the Speaker did too) The small opposition was crying out “POO!” “I say”, murmured Morton, “If you please wouldn’t mind, I’m fighting for freedom (of a particular kind) So please, please keep quiet and hold back your poo There’s freedom of speech, yes, (more for me, less for you).” But the noise it grew louder! It echoed! It rang! “Poo on your bill, Morton!” the MLAs sang. “This law you propose, this bill two-oh-eight Does little for freedom and a whole lot for hate.” It’s legal in Canada for man one and man two To stand hand in hand and say proudly ‘I do!’ All lesbians, bisexuals, transgender and queer They all have the right to say without fear: “We want to get married wherever we please Book a hall, book a band, drink red wine, eat blue cheese, And if we’re so blessed to have children one day We want them to learn in their schools it’s okay For any such person – be he gay, be she straight – To marry with pride. It’s the law of the state!” Well, Morton the backbencher fell silent they say But just for a moment on the 8th day of May “A sad day for democracy” he cried to the press But thankfully few of them heard his address. So he raised it again, the last Monday of summer. They poo’d it once more. Said Ted “What a bummer! Liberals are plain stupid for blocking debate.” Wanna talk about stupid? Let’s open the gate: You author a bill to protect freedoms, per sé, So people are free to NOT marry two gays, To NOT teach it to children ‘cause you say it’s R rated And yet you’re upset when debate is abated? How stupid is that? According to you Should they not have the freedom to say naught but ‘poo poo’? Can you not see the irony, backbencher Ted? With freedoms like yours, democracy soon will be dead. So I ask you why, Mr. Morton, oh why must you fight To move the world backwards with all of your might? From whence this desire to make such a law? Is some vital part of you two sizes too small? You want to be king, you’re playing that card, But not at the cost of those who’ve worked so damn hard To bring about change, rid this world of an ill. Democracy’s not smothered – it just poo’d on your bill. We know it’s not over; your bill won’t go away (Like a rash on one’s thighs, it gets worse every day). But for now we say poo! Poo-poo on your bill! The poo has been heard up on Parliament Hill. So back to your bench, Morton! The message is sent: A person’s a person no matter their bent. (www.lonewolftheatre.com) |